In the translation the stanza 5,6, and 7 was the difficult to comprehend. The historical context in this poem is playing pivotal role in the blog Aditi highlights the horror of the partition and the freedom struggle are the central in this stanzas. This translation is able to capture the tone of horror in this stanzas. Symbols like "रेशम," "कमख़ाब," and "कूचा-ओ-बाज़ार" are deeply rooted in South Asian culture. Particularly, the discription of the death and body desease captured in the translation.
English Translation by ChatGPT :
Do Not Ask for My Love as It Once Was
I thought That with you, life shines bright,
That your sorrow makes the world’s grief insignificant.
It is from your face that spring finds its permanence in the world,
What value does the world hold beyond your eyes?
If you were mine, destiny would bow down,
It was not so; I only wished it to be so.
There are other sorrows in the world besides love,
Other comforts too, beyond the joy of union.
Countless centuries’ dark and barbaric spells,
Woven into silks, brocades, and damasks.
Bodies sold and resold in streets and bazaars,
Stained with dust, soaked in blood.
Bodies emerging from the furnace of diseases,
Pus oozing from festering sores.
My gaze turns that way as well—what can I do?
Your beauty still captivates, but what can I do?
There are other sorrows in the world besides love,
Other comforts too, beyond the joy of union.
Do not ask for my love as it once was, my beloved.
In this translation the essence of poem has captured. Talking about the syntactic structure then it does'nt adhere to it so far. However, the meaning is conveyed. the line, "तेरी सूरत से है आलम में बहारों को सबात" is rooted in cultural context. In Indian culture "Alam" and "Bahar" often go hand in hand as the metaphor. Bahar literally showing the zenith of happiness in lover. "It is from your face that spring finds its permanence in the world" This translation reached to it.
English Translation by Gemini
Do Not Ask Me for Love Like Before
Do not ask me for love like before, my beloved,
For you were the radiance of my life.
And your sorrow was all the world’s strife.
Your face made spring eternal in the world,
And what else is there in the world but your eyes?
If I were to have you, my fate would be undone,
It was not so; I only wished for this.
There are other sorrows in the world besides love,
And other comforts besides the comfort of union.
In countless centuries’ dark, monstrous spell,
Wrought in silk, atlas, and brocade,
Bodies sold everywhere in the streets and bazaars,
Draped in dust, bathed in blood,
Bodies emerged from the furnaces of disease,
With pus oozing from rotting sores.
Even now, my gaze returns to you, what can I do?
Your beauty still captivates, but what can I do?
There are other sorrows in the world besides love,
And other comforts besides the comfort of union.
Do not ask me for love like before, my beloved.
Both poems explore the speaker's realization that love, once perceived as the center of life, has now been overshadowed by the broader suffering in the world. The speaker acknowledges their deep love for their beloved but shifts the focus toward societal anguish. This tension between personal passion and collective pain is the heart of both poems.
For instance "Do not ask me for love like before, my beloved" (Poem 1) and "Do not ask for my love as it once was, my beloved" (Poem 2) both begin with a plea, emphasizing a change in the speaker's priorities and emotions. The plea is the same, even if worded differently. Both emphasize the beloved's unmatched beauty: "Your face made spring eternal in the world" (Poem 1) parallels "It is from your face that spring finds its permanence in the world" (Poem 2). The imagery of spring symbolizes the beloved’s ability to inspire life and hope, which remains unchanged in both translations.
In Poem 1, the line "Bodies emerged from the furnaces of disease, with pus oozing from rotting sores" uses harsher imagery compared to "Bodies emerging from the furnace of diseases, pus oozing from festering sores" in Poem 2. While both describe suffering, Poem 1 feels more immediate and brutal, while Poem 2 softens the blow slightly. Slight change of the past tense and continuous changes the very impact of the poem.
Similarly, Poem 1 says, "In countless centuries’ dark, monstrous spell, wrought in silk, atlas, and brocade," while Poem 2 uses "Countless centuries’ dark and barbaric spells, woven into silks, brocades, and damasks." The use of "monstrous" in Poem 1 feels more aggressive compared to "barbaric" in Poem 2, and "wrought" adds a sense of labor and permanence, while "woven" feels more delicate. Poem 1 feels slightly more intense and emotive because of phrases like "Draped in dust, bathed in blood," which vividly portrays the dehumanization of bodies. Poem 2, with "Stained with dust, soaked in blood," retains the meaning but softens the tone, making it feel more reflective than raw.
Poem 1’s line "Even now, my gaze returns to you, what can I do?" expresses a direct struggle with lingering love. In Poem 2, "My gaze turns that way as well—what can I do?" is more resigned, showing a quieter acknowledgment of this lingering affection.(“ChatGPT - Poem Comparison Analysis”)
Poem 2: W. B. Yeats's The Second Coming into Hindi and Gujarati.
Hindi Translation by ChatGPT
दूसरा आगमन
घूमते और घूमते चौड़ी होती सर्पिल रेखा में,
बाज़ अब अपने बाज़ीगर की बात नहीं सुनता;
चीज़ें बिखर रही हैं; केंद्र स्थिर नहीं रह सकता;
सिर्फ अराजकता दुनिया पर छूट पड़ी है,
खून से भरी लहर उभर रही है, और हर जगह
मासूमियत के संस्कार डूब रहे हैं;
सबसे श्रेष्ठ को कोई विश्वास नहीं है, जबकि सबसे खराब
जोश और उन्माद से भरे हुए हैं।
निश्चित ही कोई रहस्योद्घाटन पास है;
निश्चित ही दूसरा आगमन पास है।
दूसरा आगमन! ये शब्द मुश्किल से बाहर निकले हैं
कि Spiritus Mundi से एक विशाल छवि
मेरी दृष्टि को परेशान करती है: कहीं रेगिस्तान की रेत में
एक आकृति शेर के शरीर और आदमी के सिर वाली,
सूरज जैसी निष्ठुर और रिक्त दृष्टि वाली,
धीरे-धीरे अपने जंघा को हिलाते हुए बढ़ रही है, और इसके चारों ओर
रेगिस्तान के नाराज पक्षियों की छायाएँ घूम रही हैं।
अंधेरा फिर गिरता है; लेकिन अब मैं जानता हूँ
कि बीस सदियों की पत्थर-सी नींद
एक हिलती हुई पालने से दुःस्वप्न बन गई थी,
और क्या खुरदरा जानवर, जिसकी घड़ी आखिर आ गई है,
बेथलेहम की ओर झुकता है, जन्म लेने के लिए?
The translation of W.B. Yeats's "The Second Coming" into Hindi demonstrates several strengths and areas for refinement. The phrase "चौड़ी होती सर्पिल रेखा में" effectively conveys the imagery of the gyre, maintaining the visual and symbolic depth of the original. The use of "बाज़" for falcon and "बाज़ीगर" for falconer is linguistically appropriate, preserving the symbolic relationship between control and chaos. The translation of "anarchy" as "अराजकता" is particularly apt, carrying historical and contextual weight, especially in relation to the societal collapse following World War I. However, the translation of "ceremony" as "संस्कार," while creative, shifts the nuance from social rituals to moral or cultural rites, which may alter the intended meaning.
The untranslated use of "Spiritus Mundi" retains the mystical connotation of the original but might benefit from a brief contextual explanation for readers unfamiliar with the term. The phrase "indignant desert birds" translated as "नाराज पक्षियों" lacks the emotional intensity of "indignant," which conveys anger and affront. Words like "क्रोधित पक्षी" or "गुस्सैल पक्षी" could better capture this tone. Similarly, the translation of "rough beast" as "खुरदरा जानवर" diminishes the ominous and haunting imagery. A more evocative choice, such as "भयानक दानव" or "भयंकर प्राणी," would enhance the foreboding mood. Additionally, the literal translation of "slouches" as "ज़ुकना" fails to convey the sinister lethargy and menace of the original. A phrase like "धीरे-धीरे घिसटता हुआ" or "डरावने अंदाज़ में बढ़ता हुआ" would be more effective.
Overall, while the syntax and thematic depth are largely preserved, refinements in word choice and cultural connotations especially for key phrases would make the translation more impactful and faithful to Yeats's haunting vision.
Hindi Translation by Gemini
दूसरा आगमन
चक्रवृत्त में घूमता, फिरता, बढ़ता ही जाता है,
बाज़ नहीं सुन पाता शिकारी को;
सब कुछ टूट रहा है, केंद्र टिका नहीं रह सकता;
अराजकता छाई है संसार में,
रक्तरंजित ज्वार छूटा है, और हर जगह
निर्दोषता का अनुष्ठान डूब गया है;
सर्वश्रेष्ठ सभी निश्चयहीन हैं, जबकि निकृष्टतम
जुनूनपूर्ण तीव्रता से भरे हुए हैं।
निश्चित ही कोई प्रकटीकरण समीप है;
निश्चित ही दूसरा आगमन समीप है।
"दूसरा आगमन!" ये शब्द मुख से निकले ही थे,
कि स्पिरिटस मुंडी से एक विशाल प्रतिमा
मेरी दृष्टि को भ्रमित करती है: कहीं रेगिस्तान की बालू में
एक आकृति, सिंह का शरीर और मनुष्य का मुख,
सूर्य की भाँति निर्दय और शून्य दृष्टि,
धीमी गति से अपनी जंघाएँ हिला रही है,
जबकि चारों ओर
क्रोधित रेगिस्तानी पक्षियों की छायाएँ डोल रही हैं।
अंधकार फिर से छा जाता है; पर अब मैं जानता हूँ
कि पत्थर की नींद की बीस सदियाँ
हिलते हुए पालने से दुःस्वप्न में विचलित हो रही थीं,
और वह कौन सा कठोर पशु, जिसका समय अंततः आ गया है,
बेथलहम की ओर लंगड़ाता हुआ जन्म लेने के लिए आ रहा है?
The initial attempt at translating the first line of "The Second Coming" "चौड़ी होती सर्पिल रेखा में" does not fully capture the profound essence of the gyre. While the syntax is largely maintained throughout the translation, some lines, such as "सब कुछ टूट रहा है, केंद्र टिका नहीं रह सकता," effectively preserve the original syntactic structure and rhythm. This demonstrates a commendable effort to adhere to the source text’s arrangement, though such fidelity is not consistently possible across all lines.
In the phrase "रक्तरंजित ज्वार छूटा है," the verb "छूटा" is less effective in capturing the forceful and overwhelming nature of the tide. The earlier version provided "रक्तरंजित ज्वार उठ चुका है" better conveys the idea of an unstoppable surge or uprising. Similarly, the translation of "revelation" as "प्रकटीकरण" introduces a religious connotation that does not align with the poem’s mysterious and foreboding tone. A more neutral or ominous term could enhance the translation's thematic resonance.
For "indignant desert birds," the suggested "क्रोधित रेगिस्तानी पक्षियों" is more precise than "नाराज पक्षियों," as it better reflects the intensity and context of the imagery. The phrase "दुःस्वप्न में विचलित हो रही थीं" effectively captures the ongoing suffering and existential despair of the 20th century, aligning with Yeats's portrayal of a world vexed by nightmares.
Finally, the line "बेथलहम की ओर लंगड़ाता हुआ जन्म लेने के लिए आ रहा है?" aptly encapsulates the themes of dread, horror, and an impending monstrous revelation. The use of "लंगड़ाता हुआ" effectively conveys the menacing, uneven movement of the "rough beast," staying true to the original's haunting imagery. Overall, while the translation captures much of the original's rhythm and syntax, nuanced adjustments in word choice particularly for key terms could further enhance its thematic depth and precision.
Gujarati Translation by GPT :
બીજું આગમન
વર્તુળમાં ફરી અને ફરી વ્યાપક ગતિવિધિમાં,
ફાલ્કન હવે ફાલ્કનરને સાંભળતો નથી;
વસ્તુઓ બિખેરાઈ રહી છે; કેન્દ્ર થંભી શકતું નથી;
માત્ર અরাজકતા વિશ્વ પર છવાઈ ગઈ છે,
રક્તરંગની મોજ ઊઠી રહી છે, અને સર્વત્ર
માસૂમિયતના વિધિવિધાનો ડૂબી રહ્યા છે;
શ્રેષ્ઠની પાસે કોઈ વિશ્વાસ નથી, જ્યારે અત્યંત ખરાબ
ઉન્મત્ત ઉશ્કેરણીથી ભરેલા છે।
ખરેખર, કોઈ ગુહ્ય ખુલાસો નજીક છે;
ખરેખર બીજું આગમન નજીક છે।
બીજું આગમન! આ શબ્દો મુશ્કેલીથી બહાર છે
કે Spiritus Mundi માંથી એક વિશાળ છબી
મારી નજરને ત્રાસ આપે છે: ક્યાંક રેતીના રણમાં
એક આકાર, સિંહના શરીર અને માનવના માથાવાળું,
સૂર્ય જેવી નિષ્ઠુર અને ખાલી નજરવાળું,
ધીમે ધીમે તેની જાંઘો ખસેડતું આગળ વધી રહ્યું છે, અને તેના આસપાસ
રણના ગુસ્સાયેલા પંખીઓની છાયાઓ ફરે છે।
અંધકાર ફરીથી છવાઈ જાય છે; પરંતુ હવે મને ખબર છે
કે વીસ સદીની પથ્થર જેવી ઊંઘ
એક ડોળતા ઝૂલા દ્વારા દ્રષ્ટિભ્રમમાં ફેરવાઈ ગઈ હતી,
અને શું ખરડું પ્રાણી, જેનો સમય આખરે આવી ગયો છે,
બેથલેહમ તરફ ઝૂકે છે, જન્મ લેવા માટે?
The Gujarati translation of *The Second Coming* by GPT diverges significantly from the original, particularly in its handling of key phrases. For example, the line "રક્તરંગની મોજ ઊઠી રહી છે" alters the context of the poem. The use of "મોજ" (wave) and "રક્તરંગ" (blood-colored) fails to capture the intensity and ominous nature of "blood-dimmed tide." A better alternative would be "લોહીનાં પ્રવાહ" or "લોહીની કર્કશ તરંગ," which aligns more closely with Yeats's haunting imagery.
Similarly, in "વસ્તુઓ બિખેરાઈ રહી છે; કેન્દ્ર થંભી શકતું નથી," the inclusion of "બિખેરાઈ," borrowed from Hindi, feels out of place. The Gujarati equivalent "વિખરાય રહી છે" would preserve the linguistic integrity and maintain the intended meaning. However, the line itself retains the syntactic structure of the original, which is commendable.
The line "ખરેખર, કોઈ ગુહ્ય ખુલાસો નજીક છે;" successfully conveys the sense of mysterious horror central to the poem. The word "ગુહ્ય" appropriately captures the enigmatic and foreboding nature of "revelation," maintaining the balance between mystery and dread.
In contrast, the translation of "slouches" as "ઝૂકે છે" lacks the menace and ominous movement inherent in the original. A more fitting term, such as "ભયંકર રીતે ચાલે છે" or "મંદગતિએ આગળ ધકેલાય છે," would better evoke the rough beast's sinister demeanor.
Overall, while some lines capture the thematic depth and vocabulary of the original, others particularly those with pivotal imagery like "blood-dimmed tide" and "slouches" require more nuanced translation to preserve the poem's chilling tone. Adjustments in word choice and alignment with Gujarati linguistic and cultural contexts would significantly improve the translation's fidelity and impact.
Gujarati Translation by Gemini :
બીજો આગમન
વિસ્તરતા વર્તુળમાં ફરતો ફરતો,
બાજ નથી સાંભળતો બાજીગરને;
સર્વત્ર પતન થાય છે, કેન્દ્ર ટકી શકતું નથી;
વિશ્વમાં માત્ર અરાજકતા છવાયી છે,
લોહીથી રંગાયેલો પ્રવાહ છૂટ્યો છે, અને દરેક જગ્યાએ
નિર્દોષતાનો સમારંભ ડૂબી ગયો છે;
શ્રેષ્ઠોમાં કોઈ દ્રઢ વિશ્વાસ નથી, જ્યારે કેદીઓ
જુસ્સાદાર તીવ્રતાથી ભરેલા છે.
નિશ્ચિત જ કોઈ પ્રકટીકરણ નજીક છે;
નિશ્ચિત જ બીજો આગમન નજીક છે.
"બીજો આગમન!" આ શબ્દો મુખમાંથી નીકળ્યા જ હતા,
ત્યારે સ્પિરિટસ મુંડીમાંથી એક વિશાળ છબી
મારી દૃષ્ટિને વિચલિત કરે છે: ક્યાંક રણના રેતીમાં
સિંહનું શરીર અને માણસનું માથું ધરાવતી આકૃતિ,
સૂર્ય જેવી ઠંડી અને નિર્દય દૃષ્ટિ ધરાવતી,
ધીમે ધીમે પોતાના જાંઘ હલાવી રહી છે,
જ્યારે તેની આસપાસ
ક્રોધિત રણપક્ષીઓની છાયાઓ ડોલી રહી છે.
અંધકાર ફરીથી ઊતરી આવે છે; પરંતુ હવે હું જાણું છું
કે પથ્થરની ઊંઘની વીસ સદીઓ
હચમોચ થઈને દુઃસ્વપ્નમાં ખલેલ પહોંચાડી રહી હતી,
અને કયો કઠોર પશુ, જેનું ક્રમ અંતે આવી પહોંચ્યું છે,
બેથલહેમ તરફ ધીમે ધીમે ઝૂકતો જન્મ લેવા આવી રહ્યો છે?
The Gujarati translation of The Second Coming highlights several challenges faced by Gemini and GPT in capturing the essence of Yeats’s poem. In the first attempt, the phrase "વિસ્તરતા વર્તુળમાં" fails to convey the cyclic and spiraling nature of the gyre, a critical metaphor in the original. This oversight diminishes the symbolic depth that Yeats intended. A more contextually appropriate translation could be "વિસ્તારતું ચક્ર" or "વિસ્તૃત ભૂમિ પર ચક્કર મારતું," which better aligns with the idea of cyclical motion.
The line "નિર્દોષતાનો સમારંભ ડૂબી ગયો છે" does not accurately reflect the context of "The ceremony of innocence is drowned." The word "સમારંભ" (ceremony) leans more toward celebratory or formal gatherings, which shifts the intended meaning. A better alternative would be "નિર્દોષતાનો આચાર ડૂબી ગયો છે" or "નિર્દોષતાનું નિયમ ડૂબી ગયો છે," which captures the collapse of moral or social order.
In "સૂર્ય જેવી ઠંડી અને નિર્દય દૃષ્ટિ ધરાવતી," the word "ઠંડી" (cold) is contradictory to the nature of the sun, which is inherently hot and unrelenting. This translation creates confusion and disrupts the imagery. A more precise rendering could be "સૂર્ય જેવી નિર્દય અને ખાલી નજર ધરાવતી," which retains the harsh and pitiless nature of the gaze.
The use of "હચમોચ" for "slouches" also fails to maintain the syntactic structure and tone of the original. This word does not carry the ominous and lethargic connotation of the beast's movement. A better choice would be "મંદગતિએ વળતું" or "ભયંકર રીતે ધીમે ધીમે આગળ વધતું," which more accurately conveys the haunting imagery of the rough beast.
Additionally, there are grammatical inconsistencies throughout the translation that detract from the poetic flow and structural fidelity. These issues, combined with a lack of contextual sensitivity, reveal significant difficulties in capturing the depth, tone, and symbolism of Yeats’s poem in Gujarati. To improve, careful attention must be paid to the poem’s intricate layers, precise word choices, and cultural nuances that resonate with the target language.
Poem 3 :
વાંસળીથી વિખૂટો થઇને આ સૂર એક ઢૂંઢે કદંબની છાંય..
કે મારગની ધૂળને, ઢંઢોળી પૂછે, મારા માધવને દિઠો છે ક્યાંય..
કે સૂર એક ઢૂંઢે કદંબની છાંય..
યમુનાના વ્હેણ, તમે મૂંગા છો કેમ? કેમ રાધાની આંખ આ ઉદાસ…
વહી જતી લહેરખી ને વ્યાકુળ કરે છે અહીં, સરતી આ સાંજનો ઉજાસ…
કે બાંવરી વિભાવરીની ના પગલાંથી લાગણીની રાતરાણી ઝાકળથી ન્હાય..
કે સૂર એક ઢૂંઢે કદંબની છાંય.. વાંસળીથી વિખૂટો
ઉડતું આવે જો અહીં મોરપિચ્છ તો તો અમે રાખશું સુંવાળા રંગ…
મારી તે મોરલીના આભમાં ઉગે છે એક, શ્યામના તે નામનો મયંક…
કે જળમાં આ તેજ એનું એવું રેલાય હવે પાતાળે હરિ પરખાય..
કે સૂર એક ઢૂંઢે કદંબની છાંય.. – વાંસળીથી વિખૂટો
Hindi Translation by ChatGPT :
वंसली से बिछड़कर यह सुर एक खोजे कदंब की छांव...
या मार्ग की धूल को झाड़कर पूछे, मेरे माधव को देखा है कहीं...
कि सुर एक खोजे कदंब की छांव...
यमुना की लहरें, तुम मौन क्यों हो? क्यों राधा की आंखें यह उदास...
बहती हुई तरंग और व्याकुल करती है यहां, ढलती इस संध्या की उजास...
कि बावरी विभावरी की ना पगध्वनि से, भावना की रातरानी ओस में नहाए...
कि सुर एक खोजे कदंब की छांव...
अगर उड़कर यहां आ जाए मोरपंख, तो हम रखेंगे वह सुनहरे रंग...
मेरे उस मोरली के आकाश में उगता है, श्याम के नाम का वह चंद्र...
कि जल में यह तेज ऐसा फैले, अब पाताल में हरि परख पाए...
कि सुर एक खोजे कदंब की छांव...
The translation quite beautifully captures the essence of the poem with proper syntactic structure, rhythm, and rhyme scheme. The sad tone of the poem is conveyed effectively, maintaining its emotional depth. The use of the Kadamba tree, often associated with Krishna, adds a layer of religious connotation that enhances the cultural resonance of the poem.
However, the word "Zadkar" is not appropriate in this context. Instead, "Dhandholna" would be more fitting, as the tone of inquiry here conveys restlessness in waiting rather than anger or frustration. This subtle adjustment would better reflect the emotional nuance of the original text.
The meter in phrases like "Udas Ujas," "rang," and "chandra" is well-aligned, preserving the rhyme scheme and the musical quality of the poem. Overall, this translation is satisfying and faithful to the original, with only minor refinements needed for perfection.
Hindi Translation by Gemini :
वांशी से बिछुड़ा सूर
वांशी से बिछड़कर यह सुर एक ढूंढे कदंब की छाया
या मार्ग की धूल को झटककर पूछे, मेरे माधव को देखा है कहीं?
या सूर एक ढूंढे कदंब की छाया
यमुना के वेग, तुम मूंगे क्यों हो? क्यों राधा की आंखें उदास?
वही जाती लहरें और व्याकुल करती हैं यहाँ, डूबती शाम का उजाला
या बावरी विभावरी की ना पगलां से लगन की रात रानी झाकड़ से नहाए
या सूर एक ढूंढे कदंब की छाया – वांशी से बिछुड़ा
उड़ता आए जो यहाँ मोर पंख तो तो हम रखेंगे सुंदर रंग
मेरी वह मोरली के आकाश में उगता है एक, श्याम का वह नाम का मयंक
या जल में वह तेज ऐसा फैला है अब पाताल में हरि परखाय
या सूर एक ढूंढे कदंब की छाया – वांशी से बिछुड़ा
The first notable aspect of the translation is its title, which is adequate and aligns well with the original's essence. However, the choice of the word "उजाला" is not suitable here; "उजास" would be more appropriate, as it better conveys the cultural and poetic undertones.
The language in the translation leans heavily towards Gujarati accents, which disrupts the flow when read in Hindi. This accentuation makes the rhythm and meter inconsistent, failing to preserve the musicality of the original poem. Additionally, the tone of sadness, a central element, becomes fragmented due to uneven translation, which dilutes the emotional impact and makes the poem feel disjointed.
Another issue is the addition of unnecessary words, likely an attempt to maintain the meter. This approach, however, undermines the coherence of the translation, introducing elements that feel out of place and detracting from the poem's overall integrity. To improve, the focus should be on preserving both the emotional depth and the structural harmony of the original text without resorting to forced additions.
English Translation by ChatGPT :
Separated from the flute, this melody seeks the shade of the Kadamba tree...
Or stirs the dust of the path to ask, “Have you seen my Madhava anywhere?”
This melody seeks the shade of the Kadamba tree...
Why are the waves of Yamuna silent? Why are Radha’s eyes so forlorn...
The flowing ripples stir unease here, as the glow of this fading dusk lingers...
And with the steps of the wistful night, the night jasmine of emotions bathes in dew...
This melody seeks the shade of the Kadamba tree...
If a peacock feather comes flying here, we’ll cherish its golden hues...
In the skies of my flute-bearer rises the moon of Shyam’s name...
And this radiance spreads in the water, as even the depths now behold Hari...
This melody seeks the shade of the Kadamba tree...
The translation is impressive in many aspects. The word "stir" is aptly chosen, fitting seamlessly into the emotional and thematic fabric of the poem. Similarly, the translation of "night jasmine" as "रातरानी" is elegant and culturally resonant, adding to the beauty of the text. However, the syntactic structure of the original poem is not consistently followed. This affects the flow and coherence, slightly diminishing the poetic rhythm.
The phrase "golden hues" as a translation of "सुनवाला रंग" is another area of concern. Peacock feathers are not typically golden in color, and this choice introduces a visual inconsistency. A more accurate translation would involve the actual colors found in peacock featherssuch as "नीला," "हरा," or "बैंगनी" to stay true to the original imagery.
Overall, while the translation captures much of the poem's tone and imagery, a few refinements in syntax and color description would enhance its fidelity and poetic integrity.
English Translation by Gemini :
A Melody Separated from the Flute
This melody, separated from the flute, seeks the shade of the kadamb tree,
Or, shaking off the dust of the path, asks, "Have you seen my Madhava anywhere?"
Or this melody seeks the shade of the kadamb tree.
O Yamuna's current, why are you silent? Why are Radha's eyes so sad?
The flowing waves only disturb the setting sun's glow here.
Or the footprints of the lovesick Vibhavari bathe the night-blooming jasmine with dew.
Or this melody seeks the shade of the kadamb tree separated from the flute.
If a peacock feather flies here, we will keep it, its beautiful color.
In the sky of my flute, a radiant Mayank, the name of Shyam, rises.
Or that brilliance spreads in the water, now Hari is recognized in the underworld.
Or this melody seeks the shade of the kadamb tree - separated from the flute.
In this translation, the use of the word "current" is not appropriate; "waves" would be a better choice, as it aligns with the imagery of flowing waves disturbing the glow of the setting sun. The word "vibhavari" is also not fitting here it should be replaced with "night" to maintain the simplicity and universality of the poem's tone. Additionally, "Mayank" should be translated as "moon" or a synonym, as the use of the original term might confuse readers unfamiliar with its meaning.
Making these adjustments would enhance the translation by preserving both the contextual accuracy and the emotional resonance of the original poem.
Poem 4
सुनो द्राैपदी ! शस्त्र उठालो अब गोविंद ना आएंगे...
छोड़ो मेहंदी खड्ग संभालो
खुद ही अपना चीर बचा लो
द्यूत बिछाए बैठे शकुनि,
...मस्तक सब बिक जाएंगे
सुनो द्राैपदी ! शस्त्र उठालो अब गोविंद ना आएंगे...
कब तक आस लगाओगी तुम, बिक़े हुए अखबारों से
कैसी रक्षा मांग रही हो दुःशासन दरबारों से
स्वयं जो लज्जाहीन पड़े हैं
वे क्या लाज बचाएंगे
सुनो द्राैपदी ! शस्त्र उठालो अब गोविंद ना आएंगे...
कल तक केवल अंधा राजा, अब गूंगा-बहरा भी है
होंठ सिल दिए हैं जनता के, कानों पर पहरा भी है
तुम ही कहो ये अंश्रु तुम्हारे,
किसको क्या समझाएंगे?
सुनो द्राैपदी ! शस्त्र उठालो अब गोविंद ना आएंगे...
- पुष्यमित्र उपाध्याय
English Translation by ChatGPT :
Listen, Draupadi! Pick up your weapons; Govind will not come now...
Let go of the henna, hold the sword,
Save your honor on your own accord.
Shakuni is seated with the dice laid out,
Heads will all be sold, no doubt.
Listen, Draupadi! Pick up your weapons; Govind will not come now...
How long will you cling to hope from these sold-out newspapers?
What kind of protection are you seeking from Dushasana's chambers?
Those who themselves lie dishonored,
How will they save anyone’s honor?
Listen, Draupadi! Pick up your weapons; Govind will not come now...
Until yesterday, the king was blind; today, he is also mute and deaf,
The people’s lips have been sealed, and their ears are guarded as well.
Tell me, these tears of yours,
Whom will they ever explain anything to?
Listen, Draupadi! Pick up your weapons; Govind will not come now...
English Translation by Gemini :
Hear, Draupadi! Pick up your weapon, for Govind will not come.
Leave the henna, grasp the sword.
Save your own honor.
Shakuni has laid out the game of dice,
...Your heads will be sold.
Hear, Draupadi! Pick up your weapon, for Govind will not come.
How long will you hope, from these sold-out newspapers?
What protection do you seek from the courts of Dushasana?
Those who are themselves shameless,
What shame will they save?
Hear, Draupadi! Pick up your weapon, for Govind will not come.
Until yesterday, the king was only blind, now he is also deaf and mute.
The people's lips are sewn shut, their ears are guarded.
Tell me, whose tears are these?
Whom will you explain this to?
Hear, Draupadi! Pick up your weapon, for Govind will not come.
This translation maintains a proper syntactic structure and follows a consistent rhyming scheme, with words like "sword," "accord," "out," and "doubt" harmonizing effectively. The poetic rhythm and tone of the original have been captured well, preserving its emotional and cultural depth. The use of imagery related to Draupadi's ordeal during the 'Chirharan' episode is poignant, making the translation resonate deeply with the cultural context of the Mahabharata.
However, the phrase "sold-out newspapers" is not entirely adequate. The original expression carries a sharper critique of compromised ethics, suggesting a level of betrayal and opportunism. A phrase like "fake, sold-out newspapers" or "treacherous media outlets" would better convey this sentiment, emphasizing the moral decay and falsehood. This adjustment would enhance the alignment with the original's tone of despair and accusation.
Overall, while the translation effectively captures the dramatic urgency and cultural weight of Draupadi's plea to take up arms and defend herself, fine-tuning specific expressions like "sold-out newspapers" could make it even more impactful. The balance of rhythm, rhyme, and cultural context has been skillfully maintained, making it a powerful rendition of the original poem.
Gujarati Translation by ChatGPT :
સાંભળ દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવ હવે ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે...
મેહંદી છોડીને તલવાર પકડી લો,
તમારું ચીર હવે તમે જ બચાવો.
શકુની બેઠો છે જુગાર રમીને,
મસ્તક બધું વેચાઈ જશે અહીંને.
સાંભળ દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવ હવે ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે...
કેટલાક સુધી આasha રાખશો તમે, આ વેચાયેલા અખબારો ઉપર?
કઇ રીતે રક્ષા માંગો છો દુ:શાસનના દરબારોથી?
જે પોતે લાજહીન છે પડેલા,
તે શી રીતે બચાવશે લાજ.
સાંભળ દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવ હવે ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે...
કાલ સુધી રાજા આંધળો હતો; આજે મુકો અને બહેરો પણ છે,
જનતા ના હોઠો સીલવામાં આવ્યા છે, અને કાન પર પણ નજર રાખવામાં આવે છે.
તમારા આ અશ્રુઓ કહો,
તે કોને શું સમજાવશે?
સાંભળ દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવ હવે ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે...
Gujarati Translation by Gemini :
સાંભળો દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવો, ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે.
મેંદી છોડી, ખડગ પકડો.
પોતાનું માન બચાવો.
શકુનીએ ચાસ પાથરી છે,
તમારા માથા વેચાઈ જશે.
સાંભળો દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવો, ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે.
ક્યારે સુધી આશા રાખશો, આ વેચાયેલા અખબારોથી?
દુશાસનના દરબારોથી કઈ રક્ષા માંગો છો?
જે પોતે લાજશરમ છે,
તેઓ શું લાજ બચાવશે?
સાંભળો દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવો, ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે.
ગઈ કાલ સુધી રાજા માત્ર અંધ હતો, હવે ગૂંગો અને બહેરો પણ છે.
લોકોના હોઠ સીવેલા છે, કાન પર પહેરા છે.
તમે જ કહો આ આંસુ તમારા,
કોને શું સમજાવશો?
સાંભળો દ્રૌપદી! શસ્ત્ર ઉઠાવો, ગોવિંદ નહીં આવે.
The Gujarati translation is average because it does not consistently follow the tone and structure of the original throughout. While it captures the essence in some parts, there are areas where it falls short. For instance, in the GPT translation, the word "sword" is specified rather than a generic term like "weapon." This specificity may not align perfectly with the broader situation being conveyed in the original poem, where the term "weapon" reflects the general call to action.
The line "જનતા ના હોઠો સીલવામાં આવ્યા છે, અને કાન પર પણ નજર રાખવામાં આવે છે" does not fully capture the gravity of suppressed freedom and controlled information. A better translation would emphasize the oppressive silence and censorship more vividly. Similarly, "જે પોતે લાજશરમ છે"is not appropriate because it loses the critical tone aimed at those who are dishonorable and incapable of protecting others' dignity. A revision like "જે પોતે લાજહીન છે" would retain the sharper critique.
Despite these shortcomings, the translation is good overall in conveying the cultural context and urgency of Draupadi's plea. Refining these weaker sections would enhance its impact and fidelity to the original poem's tone and message.
In conclusion, the use of generative AI for translating poems has shown great potential, providing quick and effective translations in many cases. The AI’s ability to process vast amounts of data and offer contextually relevant translations has led to more accessible renditions of poems across languages. However, several limitations and gaps remain, which require further attention.
Application of Translation Theories:
Jakobson’s View on Translation: Jakobson categorized translation into three types: intralingual, interlingual, and intersemiotic. AI excels in interlingual translation (translation between languages), but Jakobson's point about the untranslatability of certain concepts and the need to adjust meanings in translation is evident. AI often struggles with untranslatable cultural concepts and expressions that don’t have direct equivalents in another language. However, this experience was different from it.
Catford’s Approach: Catford emphasized translation shifts, such as structural shifts and level shifts. AI translation is capable of performing these shifts in terms of structure (grammar and sentence construction), but it may fail when it comes to level shifts—preserving the deep, poetic meanings and layered connotations of words and phrases. AI is in developing mode but it faces problem in the language like Gujrati. Hindi and English is easy for generative AI.
Devy’s Perspective on Translation: Devy argued that translation is a cultural act, and that translators need to bridge the gap between languages while respecting the original context. Generative AI often bridges the cultural dimensions, which Devy highlights as crucial in a proper translation. AI translations might be linguistically accurate and sometimes lack the cultural sensibility Devy speaks of.
Ramanujan’s Theory: Ramanujan suggested that translation must retain the essence of the original work while considering the recipient language's cultural setting. AI goes hand in hand with this, as it often focuses on the mechanical aspects of translation with capturing the essence, emotional depth, or cultural context as Ramanujan recommended.
In essence, while generative AI has made impressive strides in translating poetry, its effectiveness is limited by the complexity and nuances inherent in poetry. Human involvement, along with advancements in AI training, could improve the translation quality, making it more faithful to the original meaning, emotion, and cultural context of the poem.
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